Tell me what you want, what you really, really want

The thought of sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner or partners might make you feel extremely vulnerable. It isn’t something that you simply divulge in casual conversation as you would your profession, or hobbies. If you are an over-thinker you might run through all the possible scenarios, from a meeting of the minds and living out every detail, to being laughed at and feeling dejected. Your fantasies are the key that unlocks your most intimate self to a deserving partner or partners. When sharing your fantasies, choose your words with care. Be confident and use words that enhance, not words that debase. If you don’t want it to  come off as weird, DON’T SAY IT IS WEIRD! “I want to tell you what I want sexually. I do not expect a yes right away, but I would like to have the conversation and I want to hear what you want sexually. I want us to find things that we can (all) explore together and feel comfortable. ”Make sure the conversation is happening in a place where you will have each other's undivided attention and not feel rushed. Cuddling in bed or on the couch when you do not have any place to be except right where you are is an example of a perfect time and place.

Lastly, be patient and understanding. How would you like your thoughts and feelings to be received? Gift that to your partner or partners. They might need time to process, or to figure out what their boundaries will be. This isn’t a business meeting where you need to hash out an acceptable deal, this is a relationship that is in the process of growth. Revealing the deepest parts of yourself can strengthen what you already have. It is normal to have fantasies, we need to normalize sharing them with those we are intimate with.